Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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