MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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