I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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