thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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