You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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