Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
