I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
