pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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