I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
