Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
