im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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