Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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