I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
