i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize