We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
