...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
