see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
