Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
