I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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