he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
