just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
