im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
