I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
