so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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