wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
