When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
