So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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