i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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