I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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