Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
