i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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