My friends, they love my intelligence
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
