She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Congratulations! We have a period
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
