Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
