Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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