I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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