Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
