What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
