I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
