im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize