Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
