its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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