I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
