Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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