i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
