dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
