He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
