apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
