I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
