I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
