Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
