Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
