DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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