Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
