If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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