somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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