so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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