wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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