Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
