i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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