I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
