Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
