He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
