Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
