I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
