It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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