there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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