shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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