Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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