the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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