i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
