VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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