im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
