i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
