Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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