his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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