dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
